Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
