I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
