his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
