If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
