we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
