Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
