dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
