The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
