When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
