Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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