hotel room ftw
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
