I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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