I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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