Duck Duck Cougar?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
