He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
