I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
