She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
