maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He shit in the fireplace
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
