I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
