I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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