i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
