So drunk its hurt
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
