This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
