yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
