Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
