Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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