if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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