my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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