just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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