There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
