jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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