She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
