oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
