Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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