my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
