I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
