the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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