there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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