He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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