Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
