Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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