So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
