Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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