and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
