And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
