I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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