she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
