1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
