Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
