Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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