I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
