PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
