he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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